Chasing Butterflies
by Falling Right Side-Up
Summary: AU: Minato’s adventures as father and Hokage. Insanity is a given. Intervention a necessity. Who knows how screwed up Naruto will become under his father's care? SECOND: misplaced jealousy /more info and question to readers inside/ edited: 6-25-2009
1. In which there is an abuse of seals

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, nothing except the plot belongs to me.

**Title:** Chasing Butterflies

**Genre:** General/Humor

**Category**: AU: Naruto

**Pairing:** None for now

**Summary:** AU: Minato's misadventures as a father and Hokage. He could really do with some help; for his own sake as well as his son's. Who knows how screwed up Naruto will become at Minato's mercy?

**AN: EDITED 1/27/2009 **Read author notes at bottom regarding possible x-over.

* * *

**Chasing Butterflies**

By: Falling Right Side-Up

_Prompt:_ In which there is an abuse of seals

* * *

Minato scrutinized his reflection in the full-body mirror, turning slowly from side to side.

This was…different.

He hefted the squirming bundle on his chest up with a hand and adjusted the wide shoulder straps with the other. Then he straightened and posed dramatically, his white flame-embroidered cloak flaring in a non-existent breeze. A giggle and a gurgled coo drifted up from the vicinity of his chest.

Minato sighed, his posture sagging with disappointment. He gazed down into wide blue eyes, peering up curiously from below a mop of feather-soft blond hair. "Yeah, I know. It doesn't really work, does it?" Minato asked forlornly. The blond man settled his hands on his hips, thrusting his chest out proudly as he looked back into the mirror.

He could do this. If Kushina had endured something similar for nine months, he could certainly do it. He'd known it would be a challenge, having to be "mommy" and "daddy," but well, he never expected to have to do this. Nevertheless, he would do it with pride and dignity.

It was, after all, _his_ spawn sticking out of his chest like an alien. Perhaps it would be more productive to his new role as "mommy" to think, instead, that it was a koala, but alien seemed much cooler.

A frontal baby carrier of garish orange – that at the time of purchase Minato had thought would go dashingly with the flames of his cloak – held his precious son aloft over his standard jounin outfit. Small feet covered in blue footies kicked softly against Minato's stomach as Naruto cooed, head rolling back as he tried to look up at his father.

"It'll have to do," Minato sighed and adjusted the headrest so that his son's small head could only flop forwards to his father's chest instead of backwards. The blond man just hoped the other shinobi wouldn't consider the orange contraption a target and attack it.

Shinobi were much like crows in that fashion after all; they were drawn to bright and shiny things, usually and unfortunately, with the intention of blowing it up to kingdom come rather than hoard it. And Minato didn't much fancy the idea of fending off his mistaken shinobi's attacks, especially if his son was the target.

He walked back over to his bed, picking up the box and manual for the frontal baby carrier. While the color choice may not have been his best decision ever, the model was something he'd chosen after careful consideration, and - color scheme aside - it was the best Konoha had to offer. Besides, something about "Baby Carrier with _Swivel Action_!" struck his fancy and appealed to his shinobi training.

Minato sat down carefully, mindful of the baby now starting to drift off, and flipped eagerly through the manual for the part about the swiveling. It was starting to look like the only upside to this fiasco. Certainly, a ninja-like swiveling action from his son would deter any unmanly impressions given by the fact that he was wearing a baby carrier. Minato loved his son, but he was the Hokage and had a reputation to uphold.

But as the blond man continued to read, he was sorely disappointed. The swiveling wasn't so much swiveling as it was pulling apart straps, taking his son out, reattaching the seat/pouch to face away from his chest outwards, and putting his son back in. It was so – civilian – primitive that it bored Minato to tears.

Well, he thought indignantly, this wouldn't do at all! He'd wanted ninja swiveling action and, by god, ninja swiveling action he would get. With that, he went about on his self-assigned mission, going to his workroom across the hall for the necessary tools.

**~ oooooOOOOOOOOOOooooo ~**

Sakuya chewed the eraser on the end of her pencil, staring anxiously at the clock on the wall across from her in the reception hall of the Hokage's office. Then, with the pencil still dangling in her mouth she obsessively arranged and rearranged the forms on her desk by order of submission, civilian or shinobi, clan, and finally just settled by alphabetization.

She turned to the trash bin beside her, hacking up the bitter, rubbery pieces of eraser she'd almost swallowed. Moaning, she fisted her shoulder length brown hair in both hands, banging her head on the desk.

"Why," she wailed, "Hokage-sama! Why do you do this to me?" He was late! Again! He was giving her more wrinkles than the Sandaime! And that was most definitely not what she'd signed up for.

Anezaki Sakuya was a 38 year old tokubetsu jounin – especially trained in delegation and officiating – to fulfill her secretarial duties to the esteemed Third and now Fourth Fire Shadow. People not in the know assumed she was a civilian, but really, what Hokage worth his salt would trust an untrained civilian to field his appointments and handle official documents entailing potentially dangerous or urgent information?

Besides that, she was also trained to know who was who; which civilian representative was in charge of what, the importance each clan-head or member held, by what order people in the waiting room were to be admitted to see the Hokage, how to deal with and calm self-important visitors or dignitaries, and how to field screw-ups in the office, paperwork, and unmitigated disasters when the Hokage was not present.

For all that, she was prepared. She hadn't, however, thought that her Hokage - though considerably young to be commanding legions of contract killers - would be the one giving her trouble. A well placed threat or command to her fellow shinobi, and a commiserating or condescending comment to civilians was usually enough to make things go smoothly. But she didn't dare do either to the Hokage, even if he insisted upon her dropping the formality between them – _"Really, Anezaki-san, just call me Minato, or at least Namikaze!"_; it just wouldn't be proper, regardless of the fact that he was her kouhai at 24 years of age. He was the Hokage and "Hokage-sama" it would be.

There were times when she thought she might just listen to him and treat him like any other particularly irritating young man – when he was being irresponsible and proved to be a complete doofus when it came to his son – but then he would unintentionally remind her just why he wasn't like any other man – sometimes the war hero would peek out, with cold and hardened eyes of an experienced killer, and she would remember just why she listened to a man so boyishly young.

So she kept everything cordial but official between them. He was, after all, a man who deserved great esteem, having brought victory against Iwa and subduing the Kyuubi less than three months ago.

An unparalleled nightmare for Konoha that had been, but the village was pulling through slowly but surely. Repairs were underway and would have been going much more smoothly if the Hokage was in his office on time to approve or disapprove the construction proposals, Sakuya thought with frustration.

The Hokage's tardiness aside, the delays were made that much longer by the opportunity seeking civilian and shinobi council members trying to make their own gains by sneaking in self-serving proposals in the confusion. Sakuya was kept up many nights screening through them before handing them over to the Hokage. Not only was that part of her duty, but she knew he was having a hard time being both leader and father, especially since the death of Kushina-san – whose identity had been revealed as the Hokage's lover shortly after the Kyuubi's defeat.

But, perhaps, due to the bundle of joy that was his son, the Hokage seemed to be dealing with her passing remarkably well. Now, if only he would show up, Sakuya thought, glaring at the clock. She finger-combed her frazzled hair and looked down at her skirt to press out the wrinkles.

And to her great surprise when she looked up, like magic, there was the man of the hour in a yellow flash, beaming at her with a wide, gleeful smile. That was one way to use the Hiriaishin, the tokubetsu jounin thought bemusedly but with great relief.

"Anezaki-san!" the blond man shouted with such exuberance that she knew he, in no way, felt repentant for his tardiness, if he even knew about it. Either way, he was finally here so she plowed ahead with all the back-logged things needing to be done.

"Now, Hokage-sama, there's a lot of things I've prepared. Here are the forms for toda-"

"Wait, wait!" He shushed her with a hand, the other, she now noticed, keeping his flashy cloak stretched and closed over his chest. His abnormally rotund chest.

Sakuya gazed warily at her still beaming Hokage. What craziness had he done now?

"Yes?" She questioned cautiously. Her brows nearly blew up into her hairline when her leader made a suspiciously giggling-like sound.

"Watch!" he blurted giddily. With a great flourish, he tore open his cloak to reveal a giant, orange eyesore latched onto his chest.

"What is _that_?" Some small part of her recognized it for what it was; a baby carrier. But the majority of her couldn't get past the blinding color or the fact that her Hokage – killer and a man, most of all – was wearing one. The blond man ignored her question, however, cooing down at the orange thing.

"Naru, c'mon. Be a good boy for Otousan and show Anezaki-san what you can do!" he cajoled. Nothing happened for a few seconds except for the Hokage making noises at what was supposedly his son. Sakuya couldn't help but feel sorry for the baby who she now knew to have been afflicted with that monstrously hideous color by his own father.

Then, suddenly, the baby carrier detached from the straps holding it up and hovered for a split second before it swiveled around at a dizzying speed and sprang out from the Hokage's chest like an alien, Naruto's baby-face with round blue eyes suddenly directly in front of Sakuya's own, squealing with delight.

"Good god!" She shrieked in surprise, and just as suddenly as he'd popped out, Naruto was gone, the baby carrier retracting and swiveling around towards the Hokage's chest in one quick motion, so that there was only the gleeful father standing there with the orange barnacle on his chest and his cloak flaring open.

"What the _hell_ was _that_?!"

"My wonderful son and his ninja-swiveling action! Isn't it awesome?" The Hokage boasted, his chest puffed up and hands on his hips, every bit the proud father. The tokubetsu jounin gaped incredulously. What stupidity was this?!

"You're unbelievable!" she spat aggrievedly.

"I know," he replied smugly. "Sometimes I amaze myself with my own genius. And my baby boy is going to be just like me! Aren't you Naru?" the Hokage cooed down at his son, patting downy blond hair adoringly. Sakuya could feel whatever awe and dutiful subservience she felt for her leader dying with an agonized scream, the retarded-ness of the situation confounding her ability to react.

"Naru, do it again!" The blond man encouraged, heedless of his secretary's inner turmoil, and once again the baby displayed his light speed ninja-swiveling action with a happy gurgle, this time sending drool flying about to smack loudly on the window beside the older woman. "Er, yeah. I'll have to work on that part," the blond man smiled sheepishly.

"_Namikaze-san_!" Sakuya's horrendously scandalized shout shook the Hokage Tower.

**~ oooooOOOOOOOOOOooooo ~**

Jiriaya ambled his way up the stairs to the Hokage's office, planning on dropping in on his student. He greeted fellow male shinobi with a nod of the head and the women with a leer and wink. He liked to think they were rushing off to relieve some – ahem – _tension_ when they turned away making strangled sounds.

As he approached the reception hall, he put on a roguish smile to attempt his 244th seduction of Minato's secretary. She was his age - a comrade who understood the trials of his generation - but still quite beautiful, and knew how to play the game of playful teasing with no real commitment, blushing fetchingly all the while. And she was unfailingly polite - unlike the many other women he approached - even when delivering a scathing comment to some buffoon blustering to see the Hokage.

The Sannin could tell she had some fire in her. And it was never too late for a blossom to bloom. She just needed the right catalyst to set her off. Maybe then she'd finally settle down with the poor jounin - Katsura Gin, a reputable war hero in his own right - who'd been pining after her since the end of the war.

"Sakuya-chan~!" Jiraiya sang in greeting as he pirouetted into the room, but came to a halt when he saw the reception hall was empty. He deflated in disappointment and trudged up to the doors of the Hokage's office with a sigh. He might as well see the brat's face before he left, he thought as he pushed the doors open and stepped in.

"-ashamed of yourself!" Sakuya's angry voice nearly blasted Jiraiya right back out the door. What on earth? Wide-eyed, he cautiously eased back in, trying not to draw attention to himself. Closing the doors softly behind him he sidled along the wall so he could get a clear view of the situation.

In a strange reversal of roles, demure and officious Sakuya stood behind the Hokage's desk, fuming loudly and shaking her finger at her cowering blond leader kneeling before the desk like a repentant supplicant to an angry god.

"Of all the foolish uses of your famed intellect! You! – this is such a _gross_ misuse of the shinobi arts – and – I _never_ – how could you subject your own _son_ to this - this _travesty_?!" The Hokage's spiky blond hair seemed to wilt with every scolding word.

Well, Jiraiya thought bemusedly, he had known she had fire in her. The sannin just hadn't thought it would finally blaze in quite this fashion. A smirk pulled at his lips; he could read all the little things communicated by Minato's hunched back – he was sorry, _really_, but thought he'd been suitably chastised, and he _could_ stop this all since he was Hokage, but didn't know how to deal with this new matronly angry version of his secretary, so he sat there and took it.

The sannin took pity on his student. If there was one thing he could relate to, it was suffering at the hands of angry women.

"Ahem. Saku-"

"The Hokage! The _Hokage! _You have much more _important_ things to do than turn your son into some lunatic _toy!_" The tokubetsu jounin bellowed right over the sannin's attempt to intervene.

Toy? Jiraiya wondered. Hmm, now he was curious. What exactly had Minato done to Naruto-kun that would provoke this kind of righteous fury?

"Sakuya-chan."

"-the council say? You know they're just waiting-"

"_Sakuya-chan_."

"-for you to make a mistake! The village is in shambles and -"

"SAKUYA-CHAN!"

"- you need to- Jiraiya-san?" Sakuya looked up confusedly, anger momentarily stalled. The toad-sennin sighed and Minato struggled to catch his sensei's eyes without fully turning his head around lest he lose sight of his scary secretary. Don't worry, Jiraiya communicated to his desperate student with a minuscule nod, he would deal with this.

"Saku-"

"_Jiraiya-san_." Sakuya spat, tone foreboding with the dawning of some dark realization. The sannin swallowed what he was going to say with a small 'erk.' His eyes darted to Minato who slumped, knowing his sensei was not going to be able to save him, and then back to the narrow-eyed woman glaring at him.

"Yes?" The sannin replied timidly.

"_This_," she pointed an accusing finger at Minato, "is partly _your_ fault."

"Er, what? Oh, no, no. Had _nothing_ to do with it," he backpedaled and shook his head frantically, trying to escape being pulled into sharing the blame of whatever Minato had done. Student or not, Jiraiya was not going under the axe with him, and his curiosity could go screw itself.

"You're a Seal Master." She announced. And for whatever reason, Jiraiya suddenly knew he had been condemned and that there was no escape. He glared at the slightly apologetic yet relieved expression on his student's face. See if he ever tried to save him again, Jiraiya tried to speak through his eyes, but Minato quickly turned away with a faux innocent look. Well, damn. Might as well satisfy his curiosity, the sannin thought.

"And?" Jiraiya questioned leadingly.

"You taught them to Namikaze-san." Woah, Jiraiya thought. Namikaze-san? He mouthed to Minato, who cringed.

"Why, yes, I did," he replied gamely. The secretary 'humphed' and turned a disdainful look at both student and teacher.

"Well, come look at how your student has been using what you taught. You're going to be so _proud_," Sakuya stated primly and in such a way that Jiraiya knew she expected him to think anything but.

"All right," he said warily as he approached his kneeling student, feeling as if he was marching up to the chopping block. Jiraiya's eyes were immediately drawn to the blaze of color on Minato's chest. "Gah," he hurriedly turned his face away, shielding his eyes. "What the hell is _that_?"

"Haha, very funny," Minato drawled sourly. "You, of all people, should appreciate the color. I mean, some of your summons aren't much better."

"Yeah, well, they're ninja-toads with spiffy tattoos. _That's_ just a giant eyesore. Looks like you've got some disease, like a pustule without the ooze or a giant wart, and with all the repelling force of smelly vomit."

"I'm sure your godson appreciates being called a repulsive vomit-inducing disease," was the deadpanned reply, and as if on cue, there was a decidedly unhappy gurgle from the vicinity of Minato's chest.

Jiraiya stared aghast at the orange lump with new eyes.

"Dear god, Minato, what have you done to my godson?" No wonder Sakuya had been so furious, Jiraiya thought, horrified. Minato huffed, refusing to look at his teacher, and chose, instead, to play with his drowsily awakening son by gently poking one rosily chubby cheek with his finger, smiling as Naruto's small mouth opened with a yawn.

"I didn't do anything _bad_. Besides, it was a good idea..." the father mumbled. Minato wasn't quite sure he was relieved that instead of attacking the baby carrier shinobi thought it a blinding, headache-inducing public hazard.

"As deplorable as Namikaze-san's color choice is," Sakuya interrupted, hissing, "_That_ is not the problem."

The sannin looked back at her confused. "There's more?"

"Oh, _yes_, there's more. Your student here is most likely responsible for subjecting his own son to irreparable psychological scarring," the secretary stated solemnly, as if announcing a death.

Jiraiya gaped, and both he and Sakuya turned to look at the blond culprit who fidgeted under their gazes.

"Well? Go ahead, show him," the woman goaded. "You were so _eager_ to show it off before." Sakuya crossed her arms, looking down at him imperiously as Jiraiya shifted uneasily at her side. The two of them seemed to exemplify quite well the standard interrogation procedure of Bad – will rip your intestines out and feed them to you – interrogator and Good – well, there really was no good, because all interrogators were bad-ass bastards, but less willing to feed you your entrails – interrogator.

Any normal person would have been gibbering – any Crazy being interrogated by the ANBU forces, too, for that matter - but the Hokage was not a normal man – in fact, Sakuya was thinking of ranking him up there as the prodigy of Crazies - which was why he was in this situation to begin with. Instead, Minato's face scrunched with a queer combination of delighted eagerness and wary suspicion.

Some part of him just knew this as a trap; that his secretary was gearing herself up to screech at him again just as he complied. He weighed the pros and cons of refusing, but his childish desire of show-casing his brilliance to his sensei won out, sandbagging his common sense with a maniacal cackle and brainwashing it into believing that sanity and caution were over-rated.

Still kneeling, with one hand Minato motioned for his sensei to move closer - which Jiraiya did, visibly steeling himself – and with the other he tickled Naruto's chin, grinning as his child squealed with laughter and small arms flopped against his chest.

"Well, Naru," Minato chanced a glance at his secretary, "Anezaki-san wants you to show Jiraiya-jiji what you showed her," he explained patiently to the enormous blue eyes staring up at him, curious and happy.

There was a gurgle and the blond man nodded. "Yes, I know she's scary-"

The secretary snorted.

"-but she's really a nice woman. Until today." Sakuya speared the blond man with a glare. "Er, well, don't worry Naru, she's mad at me and not you, okay?"

A 'kyaaa' and a spit bubble was Minato's answer. "Okay then," the determined father nodded, "let's show Jiji what you can do!"

Jiraiya stood less than a foot away watching the father-son interaction dubiously, and was not at all prepared for the freak-show that happened next.

The hideously orange baby carrier seemed to float off Minato's chest, bobbing in the air. Then it began to spin in place at wind sucking speeds, a blur of orange, blue and yellow, literally now a nauseous, vomit-inducing sight. Without warning, it sprang out towards the stupefied sannin, less than an inch away, and Jiraiya suddenly had a face-full of a squealing Naruto and his drool.

"_Holy shit_!" Jiraiya squawked and fell backwards, too surprised to worry about his dignity. He didn't even hear Sakuya's affronted gasp – _"Jiraiya-san! Language!"_ – as he grasped his wildly beating heart.

Minato laughed uproariously and, in between breaths, cooed praises at his son – who, instead of retracting back to his father's chest, was still springing about with an occasional spin, now in random directions like a jack-in-box, squealing happily all the while.

"You should have seen your face!" Naruto's father choked out to his sensei, red-faced with laughter. "My son is a genius!"

Jiraiya glared weakly at Minato and then at Sakuya, whose frown was steadily becoming more severe.

"Just look at him!" She hissed. "Naruto-kun will never recover from this!"

"Naruto-kun?" Jiraiya asked incredulously from the floor. "While you're worried about the kid's psychological scarring, I'm more worried about mine!" He retorted.

The sannin watched as the baby gleefully - as far as he could tell - spun in the air and sprang to and fro, retracting to the safety of his father's chest before springing out again in an endless cycle.

"You've turned him into some alien freak! An evil possessed psycho baby!" The sannin accused his student as he sat up and pointed an angry finger at the blond man.

"What?" Minato's eyes nearly popped out in surprise. "I haven't done anything to him!" he protested, rocking back onto his heels from where he'd fallen forward onto his hands and knees. "And he is not possessed!"

Jiraiya ignored him. "Do you have any idea how badly the mothers in Konoha will smite you for this?"

Sakuya gasped, hands flying to her mouth in horrified dismay. "Oh my god! Public relations are going to be absolutely ruined if this gets out!" She turned frantic brown eyes upon her Hokage. "I forbid you from traipsing around and showing anyone what you've done to your son!"

Minato gaped, overwhelmed more by their condemnation of both his and his son's brilliance than the actual scolding accusations and commands. He really didn't understand why they didn't get the sheer genius of what he and Naru had done.

As Naruto passed by on his fifth spin, Minato reached out and plucked the baby carrier out of the air. This time he manually adjusted the carrier so that his giggling, darling baby was facing outwards to the two disapproving adults.

"Don't worry, Naru. I still think your ninja-swiveling action is awesome," the blond man consoled his child.

"Minato," Jiraiya interrupted. "I sure as hell didn't teach you the art of seals so you could mind-fuck-"

"_Jiraiya-san!"_

"-my godson or me, for that matter. Why couldn't you just do something normal, like use them to peek on the women's onsen?" The sannin lamented.

"_That_, Jiraiya-san, is _also_ an abuse of seals," came the frosty voice of Sakuya. "Which is the notion we are trying to disabuse your student of, _yes_?" Agree or you will suffer, her tone said to Jiraiya.

"Er," the sannin laughed nervously, "Of course, Sakuya-chan." Then he turned pompously to his student. "You will not do this again, understood?"

"But I'm honestly not doing anything," Minato denied even as the other two adults glanced pointedly at Naruto, who was observing the proceedings with a happy smile. "Well, I might have gotten the ball rolling since it was my idea," he conceded, "but all I did was use seals to give Naru the means to actually do it!"

"The means?" Both his teacher and secretary chorused. They looked carefully at Naruto and then at Minato, and two pairs of guileless blue eyes stared back.

"You mean to tell me," Jiraiya began slowly, "that it's _Naruto-kun_ who's actually in charge of the-" he waved his hands in a bizarre spinning, sproinging motion, "- what did you call it? _'Ninja-swiveling action?_'"

"Yeah," Minato said proudly. "I mean, that's why I explained to him that you wanted to see him do it. I can't just make the baby carrier do that on its own. What if Naru didn't like it and started to cry?" was the father's matter-of-fact reply.

Jiraiya dropped his face into his hands. "Dear god. You really have psychologically scarred him," he bemoaned, doing his best to ignore Sakuya's smug expression.

"What? I have not!" Minato indignantly replied.

The sannin looked up exasperatedly. "Are you telling me that you actually think normal 3-month old babies are capable of, and actually like and do, 'ninja-swiveling action' in baby carriers?"

"Of course not!" the blond man huffed. Jiraiya looked up and thanked the higher powers. There might just be hope of rehabilitation for his student yet, he thought.

"They aren't geniuses like Naru!" Minato cooed down at his son. Jiraiya and Sakuya both face-palmed, the smacking sound ringing loudly in the office.

"I never, in my life, thought you would use a combination of mind, wind, sealing, binding, and gravity seals to do this." The sannin raked a hand through his hair and sighed. He turned to Sakuya. "Well, what can we do? It's our fault that he's Hokage, and he's probably a lost cause."

"What?" Minato spluttered.

"Yes," the secretary agreed solemnly. "We should focus on keeping Naruto-kun safe instead."

"_What?_ Keep him safe from what?"

"I mean, what can you expect? He had to train a genius-brat, lived through the war, defeated the strongest bijuu, and became Hokage by 24. It's not so strange that his mind has suffered some casualties, right?" Jiraiya spoke to his female companion as they made their way out of the office.

"Wait, Jiraiya-sensei! You're talking about me?!"

"No one made it out unscathed, and we Konoha shinobi are loyal to the Hokage. Thankfully, most of the time you can't tell there's anything wrong with him," Sakuya said with conviction and with an undertone of relief.

"Anezaki-san?!"

"I'll see you around, Minato. Bye-bye Naruto-kun." Jiraiya paused just long enough to wiggle his fingers at his godson and befuddled student before escorting Sakuya out.

"Sensei?!"

"Please, work hard, Hokage-sama. You've wasted a lot of time today. I'll go out and see if we can find some positive influences for Naruto-kun." Sakuya bowed politely, mind already focused on possible care-takers and playmates for the Hokage's son.

"But- I, _wait_!" The doors closed and the office was silent again, buffered by the sound-proofed walls. Naruto giggled from his seat, small legs kicking out. Minato sighed.

"We'll be fine, just the two of us. Right, Naru?" He kissed the crown of his son's head, the soft hair tickling his cheeks. He raised his hands, letting Naruto grab onto his fingers in his own small but tight grip.

"Yeah, we'll be fine," Minato smiled, feeling as if good things were to come in the near future.

* * *

**AN:** So, crack-fic, anyone?

If any of you have read "Life Savers" by Moerae, you can thank her for inspiring me. Her fic is just too cute, really! I love her little Naru, who is a couple years older than mine. This way, I hope to stay safe for a while yet of accidental overlaps. I've read so many fics I can honestly say that I'm not sure if I've accidentally plagiarized or not.

I originally planned this as an Inuyasha x Naruto cross because I wanted a shot at integrating Kagome into the plot without making her some Uber-miko or shinobi, but then Minato and little Naru just sucked me in and it became a more explorative fic of the father and son and their antics.

**So, at this point, I would like to ask: Do you want this to be an Inuyasha cross?** If yes, are you alright with a Minato x Kagome pairing?

If you say no, I will keep this strictly as a Naruto-fandom fic. So, please, tell me what you think. Many people have been putting this on their story-alert but haven't left reviews, so I can't tell if they like the fic as it is or if they're waiting for the cross to happen.

I'm also considering leaving it as a one-shot. I don't really know; it'll depend on the readers' reactions. It's just that my other fics, "As the Last Candle Burns" and "Roughhousing in the Playpen" have a larger audience at this point, so my priority will lie with them.

Anyways, I hope you have enjoyed reading this, as silly as it was. I'd appreciate some feedback; if you liked it, disliked it, or even if you have some possible ideas for me to use.

Thanks for reading!

Falling Right Side-Up


	2. In which there is misplaced jealousy v3

(**EDITED** 6/24/2009)

**AN: **There will be no crossover! This will be a pure Naruto-goodness fic, as requested by you, my lovely readers!

**AN2:** THE FIRST SCENE WITH MINATO IS PURPOSEFULLY MISLEADING!!!! So uh, don't think, "Oh, Minato's a pervert," and not read. XD The truth is revealed bit by bit.

**AN3:** Because I am retarded, I have made 2 different endings to this chapter. One of which really goes off into happy crack!land on speed. Seriously. Let's just say, while this entire fic is OOC, the second ending is OOC to the 10th power. I've been told it tends towards the, "It's too crack-ish that I have to roll my eyes" spectrum. So uh, you decide which you like better, alright? I will clearly label the endings.

_**IMPROTANT AN4:**_ Question for readers at bottom!!!!

Now then, enjoy!

* * *

**Chasing Butterflies**

By: Falling Right Side-Up

_Prompt:_ In which there is misplaced jealousy

* * *

Namikaze Minato--the mighty, the wise, the virtuous and infallible Yellow Flash and now Hokage, representative of all the might and glory of Konoha--was skiving off work and hiding (badly) behind a tree in the village park to spy on a civilian woman.

He ignored the small group of children staring at him from the side, the clump of mud that hit his pristine white coat with a splat, and the muffled giggles of the little culprits scampering off as he stared at the woman sitting on the bench barely two meters away, his gaze focused like a laser beam at her ample bosom.

The blond man waited with bated breath as she slowly reached for the buttons of her blue cheongsam, her slender fingers unfastening them at a pace that was tortuously slow, and he nearly gasped, his hands digging into the tree trunk in anticipation as she began to draw down the loose front flap of her top to expose the swell of her soft breasts--

--before his gaze was suddenly obstructed by a white, flat chest that in no way satisfied his current, particular need.

"Hokage-sama," the decidedly buff and in-no-way soft ANBU greeted, standing solidly in Minato's way. The blond frowned, ignored his loyal assassin and quickly craned his neck to see beyond the muscled figure of the other man, only to have his gaze blocked. Undeterred, Minato whirled around to the other side of the tree trunk and peeked out to resume his watch on the woman -- damn it, he was missing the best part!-- but once again came to face the armored and completely unsatisfying chest of the ANBU.

Blue eyes finally focused on the nondescript rooster mask and narrowed suspiciously.

"What do you think you're doing?" Minato growled.

"Nothing, Hokage-sama," was the ANBU's prompt, unruffled reply. The blond gave the other man a wary, side-along glance and slowly leaned to the side to watch the woman, only to see the ANBU also slowly--deliberately--take one step to the side to block the blond's view again. The Yondaime bristled, straightening so that he could look at the ANBU eye to eye.

"ANBU. Are you acting against your Hokage?" Minato challenged. The ANBU tilted his head, seemingly unperturbed by his antagonistic leader.

"No, Hokage-sama," the rooster-ANBU replied just as calmly as before.

"Then stop blocking me."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Hokage-sama. I have orders to bring you back from your lunch-break. And to stop your...activities." Blue eyes narrowed even further.

"Whose orders?" The Yondaime questioned. This time the ANBU actually hesitated before he reluctantly answered.

"Sakuya-san."

"My secretary," Minato deadpanned. "My _secretary's_ orders have more authority than _mine_? The _Hokage's_?" His voice grew increasingly incredulous.

"..."

Minato did not let up his accusing stare.

"...She is quite forceful," the rooster-ANBU finally replied, as if that was explanation enough. And it was. The blond immediately deflated, his lips pursed in a decidedly unmanly pout, which his subordinate dutifully ignored.

"Fine," the Yondaime spat mutinously. The ANBU nodded curtly and disappeared as quickly as he'd come. Minato sent one last longing glance at the woman on the bench, sighing with disappointment when he saw she had already covered herself up and was busy bouncing an infant in her arms as she talked to some other women.

_There went my golden opportunity for research_, he silently lamented.

"This isn't over," Minato quietly affirmed, his posture straightening with renewed determination. Just a bit more research would fulfill his needs. He couldn't let something as trivial as propriety get in the way. After all, what he was doing was absolutely vital to the well-being of the future. It was for the greater good. Why couldn't Sakuya-san see that?

None of this would have even happened if only the mothers of Konoha had done their duty to inform him of this vital, wondrous event. Forget getting smote by them for the baby-carrier; he'd smite them for this obvious betrayal of confidence, their purposeful exclusion of vital information.

It didn't hurt that it might also relieve the smidgen of faint yellow-green jealousy clawing at his chest. _Those soft, white breasts..._

Minato humphed and turned away determinedly.

Well, he wouldn't stand for this.

**~ oooooOOOOOOOOOOooooo ~**

Sakuya stood by the double doors of the Hokage's office with an armful of folders, one foot tapping a rapidly increasing tempo of irritation. Sharp, brown eyes narrowed and darted to the shadowed corner of the reception hall just as the rooster-ANBU emerged, head tilted questioningly at the woman.

"Well?" The secretary questioned tersely, lips pursed, and the rooster-ANBU took a quick half-step back into the shadows in response to her ire. Sakuya huffed and refrained from throwing the load in her arms in a fit of childish temper. She reminded herself that she was an adult, unlike her wayward leader who had the attention span of a half-brained gnat flying into the electric bug zappers hanging from the balcony of the Hokage Tower.

The tokubetsu jounin could honestly say she wasn't missing out on motherhood at all. Having to deal with her Hokage's antics was just like dealing with a child eternally in his terrible twos. He wouldn't wake up or go to sleep when he needed to--_"Hokage-sama, you're late! I told you to go to sleep early last night instead of playing 'The Big Bad Ninja!' with your son!"_--or eat healthily--_"Ramen is not an appropriate substitute for all your nutritional needs, Hokage-sama! Ramen is not appropriate food for Naruto-kun!"_--or do his work properly--_"Hokage-sama! You can't draw the Fire Daimyo picking his nose on that treatise!"_

The man couldn't even keep to his schedule for a day! Instead, Sakuya had to resort to wresting control of the ANBU corps to drag the blond man back. She justified the usurping of the Hokage's authority by reasoning that the man obviously didn't have an iota of self-control and needed others to do it for him.

The rooster-ANBU's cautious, awkward "Ahem," brought Sakuya out of her inner rambling. He quickly stepped back into the shadows, issuing a quiet warning of "He's here," before disappearing completely just as a flash of yellow dispelled the shadows.

"Hokage-sama!" The woman called out, one part in relief and twenty parts in frustration. This seemed to be tone she used most frequently with her leader nowadays, though she did often use her one part incredulous, three parts scandalized, four parts indignant, and twelve parts furious tone, too.

However, Minato walked past Sakuya without so much as a glance or wave in greeting. One hand rubbing his chin, he threw the doors to his office open, eyes focused on some far off place and brows scrunched in intense concentration.

Instead of feeling insulted, however, Sakuya was actually feeling quite relieved. The blond was finally focusing, it seemed, serious and ready to truly work, to aspire to greatness as his lofty position of Hokage required. In fact, as Minato strode to his desk and shuffled through the mounds of paperwork there, pulling out a blank scroll and scribbling furiously with a half-mad gleam in his eyes, the tokubetsu jounin had to blink back tears of pride and joy. This was the man who she had looked up to, who she had sworn her loyalty to--intense, dedicated, and industrious.

Pressing a hand to her chest, where her heart was all aflutter with renewed admiration, Sakuya smiled and walked into the office after her leader with a bounce in her step. "Hokage-sama, it's nice to see you in the office. Did you enjoy your lunch?" She asked cheerily and smiled even wider when all Minato did was scribble on the blank scroll some more.

_So dedicated! _Was Sakuya's happy thought as she continued to speak, eyes closed in joyous rapture (the kind secretaries felt when their wayward bratty bosses finally acted according to their secretaries' decrees), "I've got all the short-notice paperwork organized by importance on the left side of your desk, the contracts that need to be looked over by next week on your right, and the recent intelligence reports secured in the lower right-hand drawer. And there's full council meeting tomorrow at one, and the dignitaries from Kiri are coming for the trade proposal the day after tomorrow at ten in the morning. Also, the academy has requested your presence for the establishing of new genin squads, and I've already talked to a few parents in regards to establishing a secure daycare, one which Naruto-kun may also safely attend while associating with _wholesome_ peers." Finally, the tokubetsu jounin opened her eyes, only to see the Hokage gone from his desk.

"Wha-"  
_  
Scribble, scribble._

Sakuya frowned and turned around to see Minato still scribbling furiously, though no longer on the scroll--it was on the floor, unfurled, writing seeming to flow straight off its edges, onto the floor and onto the walls in a tangle of nonsensical jutsu calculations and diagrams. Her brows furrowed even further in confusion.

"Hokage-sama? What are you do-" the question died in her throat as the blond's scribbles suddenly came into focus, particularly some rather badly drawn stick figures with large round--

Sakuya gasped, her propriety severely affronted. _No! He didn't! _

Oh, but Minato did.

Pride and admiration, joyous rapture, and loyalty--all of them fled in the face of the sudden tidal wave of sharp condemning emotions that erupted from deep within her. What happened next was a conniption fit of epic proportions; a beast from hell emerged sounding its presence with the greatest expression of feminine fury since _The Day Jiraiya Walked In On Tsunade Doing the Hanky-Panky With Dan. _  
**  
**_**"NAMIKAZE MINATO!"**_

Sakuya grabbed the nearest object and hurled it at the quailing blond man.

**~ oooooOOOOOOOOOOooooo ~**

A dog-ANBU swung himself casually through the window into the Hokage's office but froze halfway in, teetering on the edge of the windowsill in shock.

The room looked like a four year old had gone crazy, leaving a trail of scattered papers, fallen cabinets, and colorful ink drawings of stick figures along the walls. The dog-ANBU squinted at them; there were two round circles drawn side by side in the vicinity of the chest on most of the figures--a childish over-representation of what he supposed were meant to be breasts (of the over-large F variety).

And somewhere along the way, the little terror had gotten his hands on a stapler, gunning a trail of metallic projectiles at an invisible opponent who had mad monkey skills, because the glint of fired staples was everywhere - on the floor, in the walls, the ceiling, and the desk and chairs.

At some point, it seemed even the Hokage had gotten caught in the crossfire, if the ripped and charred edge of the familiar flame cloak pinned to his chair by a kunai and staples was any indication.

A sudden rustle from behind the large mahogany desk set the ANBU on guard, tense and wondering if the cause of destruction was, in fact, still there; an evil midget that lingered at the crime scene to observe the mayhem he'd wrought.

His arm rose slowly to reach for the katana strapped to his back, prepared to defend himself and the sanctity of the Hokage's office. A head of mussed brown hair popped up from underneath the desk, and the ANBU sighed, silently scoffing at his unneeded wariness.

"Kakashi?" Rin queried, pulling herself up from the floor with an arm braced on top of the desk. She grimaced and made a disagreeable sound, mournfully surveying her dirtied clothes--splotches of ink from the still wet drawings on the floor and walls had smeared itself onto her lavender skirt.

The ANBU _'hnned'_ and pulled off the painted dog mask marking his station, revealing questioning mismatched eyes - one a dark cobalt so opaque it was nearly black, and the other a mesmerizing swirl of red and black, a symbol of the unending cycle of creation and destruction. Kakashi ambled his way over to his old teammate, observing the carnage with a dubious but leisurely gaze now that he knew there was no immediate danger.

"What happened?" The silver-haired boy asked, righting overturned cabinets along the wall. He stifled a disgruntled sigh as a pile of paper, having been soaked in a puddle of ink, stuck to his foot with a wet _'shluck'_. While balancing on one leg, Kakashi shook the papers off his foot as he secured the drawers of the cabinets.

Rin giggled, thinking of how greatly he resembled his canine summon, Pakkun, a pug with a permanently sullen expression. The ANBU glanced at her, one fine brow quirked inquisitively.

"It looks like a toddler with a temper decided to redecorate," Kakashi noted, bending down to gather more scattered papers. He looked up as Rin choked, red faced with laughter.

"I-I don't think Anezaki-san will appreciate you calling her a t-toddler," the medic-nin managed to reply amidst giggles.

"You mean the Hokage's secretary did all this?" He waved a hand at the carnage, skepticism clear in his voice. Rin breathed in deeply - trying to calm herself - as she wiped stray tears from her eyes.

"Ah, not all by herself. Most of the mess began with Minato-sensei," she answered, indicating the childish drawings with a nod. "Apparently he came back from his lunch-break and started drawing these, uh, stick figures, and Anezaki-san took exception to it." Kakashi stared at Rin incredulously with one dark eye - the one that belonged to him, because Obito's eye still unnerved the girl.

"And what? She tried to staple him down?" He scoffed, shaking his head disbelievingly. There was no way that tight-laced secretary had flown off the handle with the Hokage.

"How did you know?" Rin asked, voice filled with curious awe. Kakashi froze and then slowly turned to her.

"She tried to staple the Hokage down." The Anbu deadpanned and nearly groaned at the medic-nin's answering nod. Well, he thought, it was no wonder the entire room had been stapled; the one with mad monkey skills was the Yellow-Flash, after all. "Where are they now?"

Rin knelt on the floor, rolling up unfurled scrolls. "Somewhere," she answered vaguely. "Minato-sensei ran out claiming that all the mothers in Konoha were working against him but that he'd get even, and Anezaki-san followed him with the industrial staple-gun from the mission request office."

Kakashi's eye drooped, his entire posture slumping with exasperation. He didn't even want to begin considering the amount of damage the village would face at the mercy of his delusional teacher and rabid secretary.

It was a miracle he'd gotten off relatively sane from Minato-sensei's tutelage, but Naruto-kun was at a disadvantage; the little boy would not only grow underneath the blond man's care, but he shared the mad-man's genes as well, which meant he had a predisposition for insanity. Speaking of Naruto-kun...

Kakashi's head snapped up, startling Rin into a tense and wary state - she'd learned during the war to pay attention to the silver-haired boy's sudden movements; his almost supernaturally keen senses often caught things other shinobi missed.

"Where's Naruto-kun?" The young ANBU asked almost airily, though the slight crease between his brows belayed his careless tone. The brunette medic-nin rubbed the purple streak on her left cheek with a finger, eyes darting nervously away. Her noncommittal _'hmmm'_ had Kakashi's full attention, and he spared her no mercy as he turned his full gaze upon her--his own cobalt-gray eye just as intimidating as the slow, almost threatening swirls of the crimson Sharingan.

"Rin." There was no denying the reproach in his flat tone, and Rin turned reluctantly to face his unnerving stare. Kakashi had always been rather intense, but he'd mellowed out considerably due to Minato-sensei's guidance and Obito's death. Now it seemed that being in the ANBU corps had brought it all back - at least, that's what she liked to believe, but it was more likely that the silver-haired boy had merely become much more efficient over the years at hiding behind a guise of easy-going personableness.

She tried to resist giving into his intimidation, but ended up blurting out a response rapidly. "Well, Minato-sensei was taking care of Naruto-kun before lunch, and then handed him over to Anezaki-san when he went on break, and then she gave him to one of the ANBU guards shortly after, and Jiraiya-san took him when he popped in during the shoot-out, and then he followed Sensei--" Kakashi cut off Rin's rambling with a short slicing motion of his hand, resisting the urge to drag his other hand down his face.

"In other words, Naruto-kun is somewhere in the center of this chaos?"

Rin gave a short choppy nod, cringing.

This was a nightmare. The kid was screwed. No way was he going to develop into a sane person. With Konoha's luck (and abundance in weirdos), Naruto would end up some super-tanker of a shinobi with an obession with orange, porn and ramen, while running around chasing people, screaming about friendship and the power of love. A strange, foreboding chill ran down Kakashi's back at that thought.

The ANBU sighed and turned around to leap out the window, securing his animal mask before he cleared the frame and left a parting admonition to his once teammate.

"Next time, at least keep Naruto-kun out of their grasps when they're acting out their delusions." Then he was gone, leaping across rooftops at a speed that escaped those milling in the streets below him. He had a brain-damaged leader, a psycho woman, and a shameless lecher to find.

**~ oooooOOOOOOOOOOooooo ~**

Kakashi found that it was actually quite an easy task locating his quarry. If the sparkling trail of staples marking a path of destruction wasn't enough to lead the ANBU to them, the angry female screams, gruff anguished recriminations, and indignant defensive squawking were.

The dog-ANBU paused atop a light pole, a fair distance away from the chaos itself; his teacher, the secretary and the Sannin were colorful, rambunctious small figures bouncing erratically across the rooftops.  
_  
*Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Click, click, click!*_ Ah, well, at least the staple gun was running empty now, the silver-haired boy thought in relief. Kakashi watched as the secretary flung the contraption at his sensei's head with extreme prejudice.

"How dare you draw those--those--**obscene** things on the walls! Come back here, you--_YOU_!" It seemed even in her blinding fury, Sakuya couldn't bring herself to outright insult her leader.

"Minato! You, **retard!**" Obviously, Jiraiya had no such scruples.

_*Squawk*_ (Wordless but manly, clearly offended defensive squawking).

_Minato-sensei..._ Kakashi sighed exasperatedly, using one hand to shield his face--even though he was wearing his ANBU mask--from the civilian bystanders that were observing the disgraceful debacle from the streets.

"Kyyaaaa~!"_ *gurgle*_ And, of course, Naruto-kun would be enjoying all of this. The infant clapped his hands gleefully from where he was tucked under Jiraiya's arm--the Sannin was currently trying to drop-kick the baby's father.

Minato, predictably, flashed out of the way and stole his son back while he was at it, even taking a moment to exchange nuzzles with the infant as he side-stepped Sakuya's back-handed swing.

"As if the baby carrier wasn't enough! How could you disgrace yourself like this?! Imagine what would happen if people saw their Hokage with br-bre--I can't even say it!" The angrily distraught woman wailed. She paused mid-lunge and turned a teary, fierce glare at Jiraiya. "You! It's all your fault! How could you let him become like this?!"

_"Me?! _Why is this my fault? You're always blaming me! I didn't **let** him do anything!" Red-faced with indignation, Jiraiya turned his attention from his student to the secretary. Sakuya seemed to draw herself up, arms crossed, an almost sneer across her face.

"His perverseness! Where else would he get it from?!" She accused shrilly.

"What? I may be a pervert, but his perverseness is on a whole 'nother level! In fact, what he did doesn't **deserve** to be called perverse! It's _deranged!_ Fucked up!" The Toad Sannin gestured wildly with his hands, voice rising with each derogatory label.

Minato leveled a cautious gaze on his mentor and secretary, gently bouncing Naruto in his arms as he slowly scooched away and crouched down on a rooftop to watch now that he was out of the direct line of fire.

"Well, they say the student always surpasses the master, so if anything, it's still your fault!" There was a frustrated pinch to Sakuya's brows.

"Fine! I told him to surpass me in the art of spying on women! To enjoy their lovely attributes! I didn't know it was possible for him to get **vagina-envy** and want to turn into a **woman**!" Jiraiya wailed, hands tugging at his wild hair in anguish. At this, Minato bolted back up.

"I am not trying to turn myself into a woman! And it's not vagina-envy! It's_ breast-_envy!" The blond man retorted peevishly, drawing his secretary's ire. She pointed a commanding finger at him.

"I don't care what you're trying to do, you will _**cease**_ right now!"

"No!" Minato snapped back mullishly.

"What?" Sakuya growled dangerously.

Still on the light pole, Kakashi had settled on his haunches a while back to quietly observe his elders squabble. He'd been joined by the other ANBUs in the area, too--and some jounins--all of them fascinated at the drama unveiling before them.

To Kakashi, it was like watching a very surreal drama about extreme parenting. It was eerie how well the three seemed to fit their roles. Anezaki-san was the over-bearing, strict mother, Jiraiya-san the lazy, cow-towed father, and Minato-sensei--

"I said _'No!'_ And you can't make me!"

--the rebellious son. _Oh, sensei..._ the silver-haired shinobi shook his head.

"Did you just talk back to me, young-man?" The secretary's outraged question seemed to boom and darken the skies. Shinobi and civilians alike looked upon their Hokage with pity. Jiraiya made wild gestures--_"Abort! Abort! Run for your life!"_--behind Sakuya's back at his student. They may have been at odds, but they had to stick together when facing Sakuya's wrath if they wanted to survive.

But Minato merely stared back obstinately, cheeks puffed up in childish defiance. "Yeah. I did," the blond turned his nose up at her, cuddling Naruto possessively to his chest. "What I'm doing is for the good of Konoha. Naru, as the awesome-est baby in the world, will benefit, which means that Konoha will benefit. Don't you see, Sakuya-san? I'm not the one in the wrong! If anything, it's the mothers of Konoha you should be scolding! My logic is irrefutable!"

Unfortunately, it was a well known fact among shinobi that Namikaze Minato was a man of foolishness that went beyond logic or shame for that matter. And this time was no exception.

Sakuya was struck speechless--not by the logic but by the utter stupidity of her leader's statement. She blinked, and then slowly, as if speaking to a brain-damaged child (which she was), said:

"You mean..all of this, the spying on poor defenseless mothers in Konoha while they're breast-feeding their infants...and you making a jutsu to give yourself _**breasts**_...is for the good of Konoha? And somehow, this _isn't_ your fault, but the fault of the _mothers_ you were spying on?"

Minato nodded gravely. "You see, I happened to overhear from those traitorous mothers that breast-feeding, even simply cuddling your child to your breasts, fosters a deep, almost instinctual relationship with a child. Without that bond, an infant might not develop into a wholesome, strong person. And my Naru, the awesome-est baby in the world, should have only the best, and if that means me having breasts, that's exactly what I'll do. Because one day, Naru will take my place, and if Naru is healthy, then Konoha will prosper. Therefore: Me with Breasts = Good of Konoha." The blond nodded along with his explanation, feeling incredibly wise. It was all very sensible, after all.

However, most people could only comprehend parts of Minato's crazed reasoning, so in the ensuing silence, everyone's collective thought was:

_Breasts? Their Hokage...with man-boobs?_

_What the fuck?_

**~ oooooOOOOOOOOOOooooo ~**

**Ending #1: Official ending.**

While everyone else was frozen in shock and Minato was still in his own world, congratulating himself for his brilliant plan, Sakuya and Jiraiya managed to recover cognition with their superior will power--the need to Officiate and Lechery, respectively--and slapped the blond man upside the head in tandem.

Minato _'Oofed!'_ and Kakashi chose that moment to intervene and gently retrieve Naruto-kun from his sensei's hold, retreating quickly after having done so.

Sakuya grabbed the blond man's ear, ignoring his pained whining. "You mean to tell me that you put all of Konoha through this grief because you were _**jealous**_?! I know you love your son, but there are _limits_!"

"I'm _not_ jealous!" Minato denied hotly, even as he tried to pry his poor ear from his secretary's punishing grasp. "And there's never a limit to loving my precious Naru." He took a moment to make googly eyes at his giggling son, reaching for his father from Kakashi's arms. "Isn't that right, Naru? Daddy loves you, because you're the awesome-est baby in the world! And Daddy is the awesome-est man in the world, yes he--"

--Jiraiya wasted no time clocking his former student across the head with a roar, sending the Yondaime Hokage into unconsciousness. The Toad Sannin flung Minato's limp body over his shoulder and turned to fix a twitching, evil eye upon all the on-lookers.

Then, with Minato still slung over his shoulder, Jiraiya proceeded to do a strange dance with his eyes closed--a couple hip thrusts, a wiggling motion here and there, muscle flexing and a pirouette-- (to Kakashi, it looked remarkably like the Toad Sannin's infamous Super-Pervert Dance), and stopped in a pose with his legs spread apart and hand outstretched. His eyes flashed open, one open slightly larger than the other, creating a rather bizarre, deranged visage; then he waved his hand around making _'whoosing'_ sounds before booming in a loud, commanding voice, _**"FORGET!" **_as if he could force the entire incident out of the people's mind.

Jiraiya maintained his pose for a few moments more before nodding, apparently satisfied that he'd succeeding in whatever he'd meant to do, and leapt off the roof, bounding back towards the Hokage Tower with a boisterous laugh. With a glance at Sakuya, Kakashi followed with a squealing Naruto in his arms.

Left alone to deal with the aftermath, Sakuya grimaced and resisted grinding her teeth in frustration. The ANBU and jounins around her began to recover from their shock, a smattering of incredulous murmurs spreading amongst them. The secretary turned her attention upon them, gracing them with a kind, simpering smile; a soft, holy glow seemed to emanate from her, sparkles pratically erupting from her eyes--everyone, even the civilians froze in terror.

"_Fufufufufu_. My, what a strange day today is," Sakuya spoke softly with a smile, bringing a hand to her mouth demurely. She continued in a cheerful voice, "I came out here because I'd heard there was some strange phenomenon of retrograde amnesia affecting the citizens of this area from 1300 to 1425. It seems something that _will __**never**__ be mentioned again_ happened during that time, but oh my, unfortunately, there were no_ witnesses_ to this event."

Suddenly the sky rumbled behind her and shadows seemed to spring out of nowhere. The sparkles took on a rather dangerous gleam in her eyes, and her soft smile was now sharp and dangerous. "_**Right?**_"

_A demon. A beast of Hell,_ was the collective thought of the on-lookers.

When no one refuted her, the threatening aura disappeared, and Sakuya once again laughed--the breathy, delighted laugh of someone who had successful pulled off a master plan and was enormously pleased with oneself. "Now then," she cleared her throat and beamed at the pallid faces of everyone watching. "Off you go now," she cooed, making shooing motions with her hands.

The civilians scurried away and the shinobi wasted no time shunshing away. When she was sure she was truly alone, the woman pat herself on the back for another job well done. Such need for damage control was sadly routine in her position as secretary to Namikaze Minato, but she felt particularly accomplished today.

Even so, Sakuya really wished that her leader would hurry and grow up.

TBC...

**~ oooooOOOOOOOOOOooooo ~**

**(OMAKE) Ending #2: Ahoy crack on crack, OOC and utter fail. **

Taking advantage of everyone's brain death, Minato quickly bid them all adieu and made a get away with his son. Jiraiya spluttered uselessly for a moment before giving chase, Kakashi quickly following.

When Kakashi caught up to the Toad Sannin, it was at Minato-sensei's home. More precisely, Minato-sensei's broken door. The silver-haired shinobi hesitated for a brief second before dashing in at the explosive sounds of a fierce struggle within. The sounds seemed to come from the workroom across from his sensei's bedroom, and he skid to a stop by the entrance--"Sensei!"--only to be smacked in the face by a blue sweater. Hastily pulling it away from his eyes, Kakashi quickly appraised the situation.

Naruto was sitting atop the work table, watching with round blue eyes as Jiraiya confronted his father, the two men at opposite sides of the room.

On the left side of the room, Minato was topless and huddled into himself, shielding his strangely voluminous chest with his arms in a parody of a demure maiden, cheeks suffuse with red. Kakashi's eyes involuntarily zeroed in on his sensei's chest and at the two new additions--tanned, full, round globes of flesh. All of his training as a shinobi lent Kakashi's focus an intensity that could only be described as fascinated ogling.

"**Boobs**!" Jiraiya's sudden, angry exclamation caused Kakashi to start guiltily--mismatched eyes hurriedly darted away from his sensei's brand new boobs and then latched onto the Toad Sannin when the man roared--"Give them to me!"--with his hands outstretched, opening and closing in a groping fashion as if he could summon Minato's breasts to him from across the room.

Minato squawked in alarm and anger in response. "Sensei! You, pervert!"

"No, you _moron_! I don't want your boobs like _that_, I just want for **you** to _not_ have any boobs! Tear them off and burn them for all I care! Give them to some flat-chested girl, if you must! But no _male _student of _mine_ is going to parade around with **man-boobs**!" Jiraiya shouted, incensed, eyes taking on a decidedly feverish gleam of hysteria.

"I can't! You can't make me!" The blond man shouted back, looking remarkably like an assaulted maiden guarding her virtue. Kakashi gaped as the Toad Sannin roared and lunged at Minato from across the room, tackling the squealing man-woman onto the floor.

Kakashi took the dog-mask off, revealing his exasperatedly drooping eyes.

The blond man tried to scramble away, but Jiraiya kept a firm grip on Minato's waist. After much struggle, Minato ended up on his stomach with Jiraiya looming over him, one knee pressed against his bare back. With one hand, the blond covered his newly aquired assets and with the other, frantically slapped away his former teacher's searching hands.

"Nooooo~!" Minato wailed. The older white-haired male grunted and cursed.

"Dammit, Minato! Don't make this harder than it has to be! I'm going to take them from you sooner or later!

"Never!" The man-woman vehemently denied.

Uneasiness and a strange embarrasment began to overtake Kakashi. _Oi, oi...this is getting...strange_. He thought, a blush of unknown origins spreading across his cheeks. For some reason, the silver-haired shinobi half-expected his teacher to scream "Rape!" at any moment, and a bead of sweat trickled down his forehead as he debated whether he should step in or not.

Luckily, the decision was made for him as Sakuya arrived at the scene and shoved him out of the way. "_**Namikaze**_-what?" She stared blankly at Minato and Jiraiya who stared blankly back.

Kakashi fidgeted before blurting out hurriedly, "It's not what it looks like!" in defense of his teacher. He received three confused gazes in response.

"What are you talking about?" Jiraiya frowned. "It's exactly what it looks like." He was only doing his duty and trying to remove those eyesores from his student's chest, after all.

_No! No! That's not what it looks like!_ Kakashi thought frantically. Sakuya quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh really? So it _is_ what it looks like," the secretary questioned airily, and both Minato and Jiraiya nodded. Kakashi, on the other hand, could only cringe at the looming, ominous aura building around the woman.

Suddenly, Sakuya snapped her fingers, and from the shadows, two squads of ANBU emerged and promptly restrained both the Sannin and Hokage.

Minato and Jiraiya's indignant shouts ran atop one another--_"I demand you let me go! I'm your elder! God dammit!"_ and _"Treason! TREASON!"_--but were silenced with one narrow-eyed glare from Sakuya.

"I've had enough of your foolishness! You _will_ stop now, or so help me, I will make your lives living _hell_! Do we have an understanding?!" She received frantic nods from both Minato and Jiraiya, and the rest of the ANBU as well. "Good," she replied curtly, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

"For unduly influencing the Hokage with your perversity and attempting to manhandle the Yondaime Hokage's...breasts, Jiraiya, you will be relieved of all missions outside the village for one month (no spying on women for you) and assigned to the task of welcoming the dignitiaries from Kiri and overseeing the council meeting tomorrow," the secretary sentenced her peer without mercy, ignoring his pitiful whimpers. "We do not need another incident named after you, involving hanky-panky." The Toad Sannin squawked.

Naruto-kun took this moment to happily squeal, "Ooooo! Ooob!"

Everyone froze.

On any other day, Naruto's happy gurgling could have been taken as innocent baby noises, experimenting with the sounds he heard around him. Today, it was merely the damning nail in the coffin.

Sakuya spluttered, scandalized and entirely dismayed. "No, no, Naruto-kun! Don't say that!"

"Ooob!"

Even Minato looked crestfallen. "Naru, you can't mean that! Your first word is supposed to be 'Tou-chan!' C'mon, say it with me, 'Tou-chan!'"

"Oooooooob~!"

Jiraiya snickered. "That's my godson, he's already on the path of following the Great Gama-Sennin!"

"Shut it, you!" Sakuya snapped angrily at the giggling pervert. Then she turned to her leader, who was still trying to convince his son to say "Tou-chan." The secretary's face became a splotchy red as she growled.

"I hope you've learned your lesson, Namikaze-san. Do you see what comes of your incorrigible behavior? Your son's first word, _**'boob,'**_ of all things. Just in case you haven't learned anything... Hokage-sama. You will remain under the watchful eye of your ANBU forces (my ANBU forces now, actually) for the period of one month, during which you will be prompt, eat properly, and finish your work _on time._ Your son will be cared for by myself and your students, and the shinobi nursery is well on its way of being set up. So **no** excuses," Sakuya spoke, completely unruffled by the fact that she had just usurped not only the ANBU forces, but the authority of all administrative relations. She casually dismissed everyone, and watched as an ANBU flung a completely cowed Minato over his shoulder and disappeared.

Jiraiya cackled even as he was dragged away.

Left alone with Kakashi and Naruto, who peered at the woman with enormous, curious blue eyes, Sakuya sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes tiredly. "Kakashi-kun, would you please take Naruto-kun to Rin-chan?"

The silver-haired boy nodded once and resecured the dog-mask on his face, gently lifting Naruto into his arms. Kakashi ventured cautiously past Sakuya and into Minato's bedroom to retrieve a blanky for Naruto, and then quickly made his way out back to the Hokage Tower.

Meanwhile, the secretary stretched and pumped her arms, readying herself for another trying day of damage control. While most of the ANBU in Konoha and the jounins, along with several hundred civilians had witnessed the three most respected individuals in the village make complete fools of themselves, she was sure that a few well delivered incentives--_threats_--would stop any unsavory gossip from reaching the elders.

It was a challenge, but sadly a routine event in her position as secretary to Namikaze Minato. She really wished he would hurry and grow up.

* * *

**AN:** So, how was it? Too much? Gwah, for some reason, it was really hard writing the right balance of crack. Forgive me if I failed. *Wails*

Ending #1 is the **OFFICIAL** ending as of now. Ending#2 is kind of like an **omake** (what could have happened). XDDD Realize that I wrote this when I was high on electricity. Ahem. I mean, I was giddy that I'd just gotten electricity and internet back after a two day dry spell. So, excuse my off the wall eccentrisim.

On a side note, I was really tempted to write an **Omake: The Real Legacy of the Yondaime**, in which 12 years later, Naruto's Sexy No Jutsu is world reknown and a momento of this debacle. **Should I?**

If any of you readers are interested in writing that Omake, I would be willing to give you a prize! The author of the best omake (assuming anyone even writes one, lol) will have an entire chapter dedicated to whatever crack!prompt they wish to give me.

**EDITED: 6/24/2009:** AHAHAHA! Author, Evil Genius, took a gander at writing an omake, only this was about a hunter-nin writing a latter to Tsunade asking her to comeback for the sake of their Hokage. ROFL. I'm going to be putting it in the next update so everyone can my amusement.

And I realize that there wasn't as much Naruto in this chapter as the first, but have no fears. Naru-kun makes a devastating come back in the next update.

**~o.O.o~**

**QUESTION TO THE READERS:** What would you like to see in the next chapter?

1.) Minato and Naruto and Diaper Duty (In which shit hits the fan. Literally)

2.) Minato and Naruto and Day Care (In which there is separation anxiety)

3.) Minato and Naruto and a New Friend (In which there is a rival)*In this prompt, you can vote for who will be Naruto's first friend*

**Now then, please, please review~! **If you liked reading this, I'd really appreciate it if you (the readers) told me you did. And it's even better if you can tell specific things you liked. As a writer, I think your input is important.

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